FAQ’s
What is Heartspace Book?
Heartspace is a self-directed coaching book designed for parents and families grieving the loss of a pregnancy or child. It provides practical exercises, reflective prompts, and compassionate guidance to help you process grief, build resilience, and discover meaning after miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of a child.
Who is Heartspace for?
Parents, partners, family members, and close friends affected by pregnancy loss, stillbirth, neonatal loss, or the death of a child.
People who prefer self-guided support, structured reflection, and tools they can use at their own pace.
Those seeking a complement to counselling or support groups, not a replacement for professional mental health care when needed.
What topics does the book cover?
Understanding grief and its phases
Emotional regulation and grounding techniques
Communication with partners, family, and friends
Rituals, memorials, and ways to honour your loss and your child
Rebuilding identity, parenting after loss, and finding meaning
Self-care and long-term resilience practices
Check-in pages to ensure you are consistently rebuilding your wellbeing, both emotionally and physically
How is the book structured?
Organised into short, focused chapters with clear objectives
Reflective prompts and journaling exercises after key sections
Practical activities you can adapt for individual or family use
Checklists and planning pages for memorials, appointments, and conversations
Can Heartspace replace therapy or medical care?
No. Heartspace is not a substitute for professional mental health care or medical advice. If you are experiencing severe depression, suicidal thoughts, or symptoms of complicated grief, contact a licensed mental health professional, your healthcare provider, or a crisis line immediately. The book is intended to compliment clinical care and peer support.
Is the content faith-based or secular?
Heartspace is written in a neutral tone and is accessible to people of different faiths and beliefs. It includes options for creating rituals and memorials that can be adapted to spiritual, religious, or secular preferences. There are no religious references within Heartspace.
How long will it take to work through the book?
There is no required timeline. Many readers work through a chapter or exercise a week; others move more slowly or return to the book over months or years. The book is designed to be flexible so you can use it according to your needs and energy.
Is the book appropriate for partners and family members?
Yes. Sections are specifically aimed at partners, grandparents, and other family members, helping them understand grief dynamics, communicate compassionately, and offer meaningful support.
Are there resources for immediate crisis or urgent support?
The book includes a list of crisis resources and guidance on when to seek emergency medical or mental health help. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing suicidal thoughts, contact local emergency services or a crisis hotline right away.
Does the book include real stories or testimonials?
Heartspace includes reflections and vignettes drawn from lived experiences to illustrate common themes. A number of contributors have shared their stories throughout the book.
Is the book suitable for non-English speakers?
The primary edition is written in English. Translations or companion materials may be available in other languages depending on future editions.
How can I use Heartspace with a therapist or support group?
Use the book as a shared framework: bring specific exercises or prompts to sessions, assign chapters as reading between appointments, or use exercises during group meetings to guide discussion and personal work.
Can I use this book with children who experienced loss?
The book focuses on parents and families. It includes guidance on talking with children about loss and age-appropriate ways to create memories and rituals. For direct therapeutic work with children, consult a child therapist or counselor.
What if I don’t find a chapter that fits my experience?
The book is intentionally broad and modular. If a section doesn’t fit, skip it and return later. Use the exercises you find helpful and adapt others to your situation. Many readers find value in creating their own rituals or combining ideas from different chapters.
What do I gift someone who has lost a child or pregnancy?
Choosing a gift after loss can feel overwhelming - you want to do something meaningful without getting it wrong. Many readers gift Heart Space to partners, friends, or family members as a way to offer compassionate support. Consider pairing the book with a personal note and respectful timing. Otherwise, here are some ideas that tend to land with care:
Skip the flowers. They're a beautiful instinct, but they die - and for someone already sitting with grief, watching something else fade in their home isn't what they need.
A plant or tree is a living, lasting alternative. If you can, choose something that flowers annually around the time of their baby's birthday or due date. That recurring bloom becomes its own quiet ritual of remembrance. If they are renting, choose something that can be put in a pot and taken with them when they move.
A donation to a charity in their baby or child's name is a deeply honouring gift - especially to an organisation connected to the loss they've experienced. A few of our favourites are Pink Elephants Foundation, Red Nose and Stillbirth Foundation.
A meal train. Practical, yes - but profoundly loving. Nourishing food goes a long way when facing loss. Grief is exhausting, and knowing dinner is handled removes one more thing from an already heavy load.
Keepsake jewellery gives them something to wear when they want to feel close to their baby or child. Something small and wearable they can reach for on the hard days - and the ordinary ones too. Visit our shop for thoughtfully curated ideas.
What do I say to someone who has lost a baby or child? (And what not to say)
Words feel impossible after loss - and the fear of saying the wrong thing can lead us to say nothing at all. But silence, however well-intentioned, can leave a grieving person feeling invisible.
You don't need the right words. And if you aren't sure what to say, don't say anything at all but do show up. Listen. Be with them.
Things that help:
"I'm so sorry. I love you and I'm here."
"I don't know what to say, but I want you to know I'm thinking of you."
"Can I call you on [day]? I just want to check in." (And if they say no, try again. and again. and again.)
Using their baby or child's name, if they have one.
Things to avoid:
"Everything happens for a reason."
"At least you know you can get pregnant."
"They're in a better place."
"At least it was early."
"You can always try again."
"I know how you feel."
"You need to stay strong."
"Time heals all wounds."
These phrases, however lovingly intended, can minimise the loss or put pressure on the person to feel differently than they do. When in doubt, less is more. Presence matters more than perfect words.
How long does grief last - when will they feel better?
Grief doesn't follow a timeline - and it doesn't move in a straight line. The idea that there are neat "stages" to move through, one after the other, until you reach acceptance, isn't how most people experience loss.
What this means in practice: your person might seem okay one week and be completely undone the next. Or maybe, all of these things on the same day. They might laugh at dinner and cry in the car on the way home. Both are true. Both are allowed. There is no finish line for grief. But with the right support, it does become something people learn to carry - rather than something that carries them.
My friend seems okay on the outside after her loss. Should I still check in?
Yes. Always yes.
Grief is not always visible. Many people who have experienced baby or pregnancy loss become skilled at functioning - going to work, attending events, returning texts, while quietly holding enormous pain beneath the surface. Sometimes the normal every day activity is actually a positive distraction for the those who are grieving. It doesn't mean they are ok, though. "Seeming okay" is often a survival strategy, not a signal that support is no longer needed.
The initial wave of messages and meals tends to taper off after a few weeks, just as the real weight of grief is setting in. That's exactly when a simple, no-pressure check-in means the most.
You don't need to say much. "I've been thinking about you - no need to reply, just wanted you to know" is enough. The act of remembering is the gift.
How do I support someone through pregnancy after loss?
Pregnancy after loss is its own complicated terrain. It is rarely just exciting - it is often anxious, grief-laden, and bittersweet. Many people feel they can't fully celebrate in case something goes wrong again, while also feeling guilty for not feeling purely joyful. They often feel weighed down by worry, and completely distracted, or numb, by the experience of being pregnant. Some will deny themselves the experience altogether, just to get through the pregnancy.
Here's how to support someone navigating this:
Follow their lead. Don't project excitement onto them before they're ready to feel it.
Acknowledge both things at once. "I know this must feel complicated and I'm here for all of it" goes a long way.
Remember the baby they lost. Pregnancy after loss doesn't replace what came before. Continuing to name and acknowledge their previous loss shows you haven't forgotten.
Don't assume milestones feel safe. The 12-week scan, the due date of the baby they lost, the point at which the previous pregnancy ended - these can all be significant and tender moments. Check in around them.
Ask what they need, rather than guessing. Some people want to talk about it constantly. Others need the pregnancy to feel as normal as possible. Ask.
Why do I feel like nobody understands what I'm going through?
Because this kind of loss is still spoken about in hushed tones or not spoken about at all.
Pregnancy and baby loss is more common than most people realise, yet it remains one of the loneliest forms of grief. The people around you may not have experienced it. The broader world may not acknowledge it as a "real" loss in the way it does others. You might have been expected to return to normal life quickly. You may have grieved someone the world barely had a chance to meet.
All of this can make grief feel deeply isolating, even when you're surrounded by people who love you.
What you're feeling is not an overreaction. Your loss is real. Your grief is real. And you deserve support that honours that, not minimises it.
If the people around you haven't found the right words, it's usually not because they don't care, more likely it's because they don't know how. Heartspace exists to help bridge that gap.
How do I get through important dates like due dates, birthdays, anniversaries?
Important dates can arrive like a wall. Some people feel the approach of them for weeks. Others are caught off guard by the intensity when the day arrives. Often, the lead up is the worst part of an impending anniversary. So if you are feeling teary or tender weeks or months before a milestone, that is ok. There's no single right way to move through them, but having some intention can help.
Plan something, even something small. A walk somewhere meaningful, a candle lit, a meal that feels special. Marking the day actively can feel better than trying to treat it as ordinary.
Tell the people around you the date is coming. You shouldn't have to carry it alone and in silence.
Give yourself permission to feel whatever arrives. Sadness, numbness, anger, unexpected peace - all of it is valid.
Release the pressure to "hold it together." If you need to cancel plans, rest, or cry all day, that is allowed.
Consider a ritual. Some families plant something, release something, donate to a cause, or gather together each year. Rituals give the day meaning and something to look forward to, even within the grief.
For those supporting someone: remember the date. A message that says "I'm thinking of you and [baby's name] today" costs nothing and means everything.
Is it normal to grieve differently to my partner?
Yes, and it can be one of the most painful and confusing parts of loss.
Two people can love the same baby or child completely and still move through grief in entirely different ways. One partner may want to talk about it constantly; the other may go quiet. One may return to work quickly; the other may struggle to function. One may reach for connection; the other may withdraw. Neither is grieving wrong.
What matters is not that you grieve the same way, but that you try to hold space for each other's different experience. If the distance between you feels significant, speaking to a grief counsellor or therapist together can help.
How do I talk to my other children about what happened?
Children are perceptive. They sense when something is wrong, and silence rarely protects them - it often just leaves them alone with their confusion and imagination. Talking to children about loss is hard, but it is almost always the right thing to do. Please reach out for therapeutic support if you need help with this.
Some guidance:
Use clear, honest language appropriate to their age. Avoid euphemisms like "we lost the baby" or "they went to sleep" - these can be confusing or frightening.
Keep explanations simple. You don't need to share everything. "The baby died before they were born" or "your brother/sister was very sick and their body stopped working" is enough to begin.
Let them ask questions and answer as honestly as you can. "I don't know" is a valid answer.
Normalise their feelings. They may be sad, curious, confused, or seemingly unbothered. All of it is okay.
Involve them in rituals if it feels right - lighting a candle, choosing a flower, or being part of how your family remembers. It can help them feel included rather than protected away from grief. Allow them to go through their memroy box, see scans, or touch their clothing if they are curious.
Check in over time. Children process things in layers. Questions and feelings may surface weeks or months later.
How do I honour my baby and keep the memory of them alive?
Your baby or child deserves to be remembered and you deserve ways to do that which feel meaningful to you.
Some ideas that families return to:
Using their name, often and freely
Creating a memory box with keepsakes, photos, or mementos
Planting a tree or garden in their honour
Commissioning art, jewellery, or a keepsake with their name or date
Making a donation annually to a cause connected to their life or loss
Establishing a ritual around their birthday or anniversary
Sharing stories and memories with people who knew (or wish they had known) them
There is no expiry date on remembrance. Keeping their memory alive is not holding on too tightly - it is love, continuing.
Do I acknowledge the loss at special occasions - Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day?
Yes. Please do. Occasions like Christmas, Mother's Day, and Father's Day can be particularly tender for those who have experienced baby or child loss. Their absence is felt sharply when families gather and milestones are celebrated.
A grieving mother is still a mother. A grieving father is still a father. Acknowledging that matters enormously.
You don't need to make it heavy. A card that says "thinking of you and [name] this Mother's Day" or a quiet moment at Christmas to say "we're remembering them today too" is enough. What people fear most on these days is that their baby or child will be forgotten. Show them they haven't been.
Should I still include their baby or child in conversations?
Yes and most grieving people are quietly hoping you will.
One of the most painful parts of loss is watching the world move on as if the person never existed. Many parents of babies and children who have died carry an ache to hear their child's name spoken by others.
You won't remind them of the loss by bringing it up - they think about it constantly. What you will do is show them that their child mattered, and that you haven't forgotten.
It can be as simple as:
"I was thinking about [name] the other day."
"What do you think [name] would have been like?"
"I still think about them."
When in doubt, say their name.
How do I respond if someone asks how many children I have?
This is one of the questions grieving parents dread most - simple on the surface, yet so loaded underneath.
There is no single right answer, and it may change depending on the day, the setting, and who is asking. Sometimes you might feel strong enough to count them, other days, you might not have the energy to watch other people's faces fall, or field the questions. That's your decision.
Some parents include their baby or child every time, because naming them is important and non-negotiable. Others choose when to share depending on the context and how much emotional energy they have for the conversation that might follow. Both are valid. What matters is that you never feel obligated to erase your child to make a conversation more comfortable for someone else. Your child counts. How you choose to honour that in any given moment is entirely up to you.
What do I do with the nursery, baby clothes, or belongings?
There is no timeline for this, and there is no right answer.
Some families dismantle the nursery quickly because the sight of it is too painful. Others leave it untouched for months or years. Some keep every item; others find that passing things on feels like its own kind of honouring. All of these are valid choices.
If you're supporting someone, please don't suggest what they should do with their baby's belongings - and don't interpret their choices as a sign of how well or poorly they're coping. These are deeply personal decisions that belong entirely to them. You could gently ask if they need help, when they are ready, but then give them space. They will know when they feel ready for this.
If you're the one facing this question: move at your own pace. There is no rush. And if you're not sure yet, waiting is always an option.
What stage of loss is Heartspace useful for?
Heartspace is not a book with a "best before" window. It can be helpful in the immediate rawness of early loss, and equally useful months or years down the track, when the acute grief has shifted but the need to feel understood hasn't.
It is also designed to be picked up at any stage of grieving or loss - with sections for immediately after loss, and sections designed for the later stages of loss.
There is no wrong time to come to it. Some people read it straight through. Others keep it nearby and return to particular sections as they need them.
What kinds of loss does Heartspace cover? Is it okay for early miscarriage, or the loss of a grown child?
Yes to both.
Heartspace doesn't draw lines around which losses count or which grief is "enough" to deserve support. Early miscarriage is a real loss. The loss of a grown child is a real loss. Every loss that sits within these pages belongs here.
If you're wondering whether your experience is "big enough" to warrant support - it is. Grief is not measured in weeks or years. It is measured in love.
How do I use this book?
However feels right for you.
You might read it from beginning to end. You might open it at a section that speaks to where you are right now. You might set it down and come back to it. You might read it yourself and then pass it to someone who loves you.
There are no rules. Heartspace is designed to meet you where you are.
Can I give this book as a gift?
Yes - and it can be a genuinely meaningful one.
If someone you love is grieving and you're not sure what to say or do, Heartspace can be a way of saying: I see you. I want to understand. You don't have to explain yourself to me.
It pairs well with a handwritten note, a meal, or simply a message that says "I got you this because I wanted to gift you a space to remember (insert name) and to be present with your grief. I hope it helps in some small way."