A path well-worn
Sometimes, only the words of those who have walked the path before can soothe your grief. Here are a few words from those who have contributed to Heart Space.
“My self-care following the (medical) termination has been my highest priority and I would consider that I was in recovery for at least six months. I went to a counsellor which was so helpful, I had acupuncture, meditated, attended yin yoga, floated in a float tank, had massages and have more recently started going to a naturopath. Grief still comes and goes and sometimes I feel triggered by different things but I feel much better emotionally. It has taken time. Being kind and gentle with myself has really helped.”
“I am that Mum that no-one wants to be, that Mum that people can’t talk to properly, that gets that look of despair my way. I am that Mum that hurts when I see new babies, or the joy on faces. I am that Mum that wishes her baby was here to have her own joy and share her love. I am that Mum who wakes up every morning and during the night without her baby, sometimes forgetting she’s gone and that she’s not still sleeping close by, I am that Mum who has to look at a post baby body everyday with no baby to show for that body, breasts who should be feeding but are not, feeling tired but for the wrong reasons.
I’m that Mum whose whole life as a Mum has changed, while other Mums continue to mother their children, I dream of mothering my baby girl. I’m that Mum that tells you she’s ok, things are ok, just so she doesn’t have to tell you the real truth, so she doesn’t have to make you feel awkward, or so she doesn’t lose control. I’m that Mum who wishes she didn’t have to be this Mum but she is.
This is Me.”
“I went back to work as usual the following week (after my miscarriage). I needed to keep busy to keep my mind off it. I was at work setting up for a caesar (I’m a theatre nurse). It wasn’t until the baby was born that I realised I shouldn’t have been in that theatre and I left and broke down. I remember thinking that it should have been me having that baby.”
“Counselling helped me sort through my thoughts and gave me positive advice and ideas for dealing with my grief eg. journalling. However, the informal peer support I found was paramount in me not feeling alone.”
“I don’t think I gave myself a time to recover. I focused on being a mother and returning to studies, I needed to be busy as that was my way of coping. However, it has only been two and a half years since my second child died and I have found that at the time of her death it has become harder with each passing year. The first year of my daughter’s death I became pregnant, finalised my studies with my toddler and founded a charity to support other bereaved families. I don’t think I allowed myself or even had the means to grieve.”